


have mercy on me, oh god

by ootn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Choking, Church Sex, Collars, Face Slapping, Homophobia, M/M, Power Dynamics, Religion, Sexual Content, Smut, Worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:47:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22732027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ootn/pseuds/ootn
Summary: donghyuck learns there are many ways he can atone for his sins.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 14
Kudos: 245





	1. forgive me, father

**Author's Note:**

> happy valentines day to my gf <3

Donghyuck bites his fingernails anxiously as he approaches the confessional. He’s terrified, he’s never felt this scared in his life but fear seems to grow inside him with every step. He reaches the door, and he pauses. _Do I have to do this?_ He shakes his head, as if doing so will remove the thought from his brain. 

_He knows what you did_.

Donghyuck takes one more deep breath, trying to calm his wildly beating heart as he enters the confessional. It’s dark, and he feels safe, like no one can hurt him in here. 

“Hello,” says a voice on the other side of the booth, a voice he knows well, and Donghyuck startles a little. 

“Hi,” he responds timidly, and then there’s just silence, and he realizes he’s expected to just confess right away. He takes another shaky breath, trying to get his bearings, he’s so anxious he feels light headed. How does he start?

All at once, it seems.

“I had… intercourse with a boy,” Donghyuck mumbles, slow at first and then all tumbling out at the end. 

“Could you repeat that?” Donghyuck feels his stomach drop.

Donghyuck clears his throat, voice a bit louder as he recites his sin once more. “I had sex with a boy.”

“Ah, right. I thought you said that.” There’s a small chuckle coming from the other side of the booth. Donghyuck’s stomach twists. He’s known Father John since he was a child, just a small boy, and he hates to think of how this confession is going to soil the priest's perception of him.

How disappointed he’ll be. 

Donghyuck has failed him, and all he wants to do is cry.

“Father…” Donghyuck starts, but Johnny interrupts him before he has a chance to try and explain himself. As if this is something he can just explain away.

“That’s unforgivable, Donghyuck,” he says coldly, which makes Donghyuck pull his legs up onto the chair he’s sitting in and curl into a ball. He _knows_ , he knew when he did it it was wrong, and yet. Hearing Johnny addressing him in such a way makes his blood run cold.

“Do you like all boys? Or just the one?” Johnny asks. His voice is unreadable now; Donghyuck’s unsure what he wants him to say. So he tells the truth. 

“I think I like all boys,” Donghyuck responds in a whisper, and Johnny tsks. 

“Well, you can’t be forgiven for sleeping with a boy, Donghyuck, I’m sure you know this.” He did, but there’s something about having his fate confirmed that breaks him.

“There is, however, something you can do to make up for it.”

Donghyuck raises his head in a flash. “What is it? I’ll do anything.”

“Anything? Be wise, Donghyuck.”

“Anything, I don’t care what it is, I’ll do anything, please just tell me,” Donghyuck begs, desperate and near tears.

“Intercourse with a holy being,” Johnny responds.

Donghyuck flinches. “You mean…?”

Johnny laughs. “I mean me, Donghyuck. I’m more than just a priest.” Donghyuck doesn’t know what that means, but he doesn’t care. He wants to be forgiven. He wants to atone his unforgivable sin.

“Father,” he says, his voice making him sound braver than he feels, “I’ll do it. I want to be forgiven.” 

Johnny sighs. “I just told you this, Donghyuck. You cannot be forgiven for what you’ve done. But you can try to apologize.”

There’s a screen between them, the only protection Donghyuck has, and when Johnny removes it he shrinks even further into himself. He tries to read Johnny’s expression— is he upset? Angry? But his eyes are dark, and they flash when Donghyuck shoots to his feet out of respect.

Donghyuck isn’t sure what he should do, but all of a sudden he feels this overwhelming urge to kneel, so he does. He gets on his knees and bows his head, clasping his hands together as he chants a silent prayer.

He feels a gentle touch on his head, and he realizes belatedly that Johnny is petting his hair. He leans into the touch, and then Johnny says, “You’re doing so good already,” giving him the praise Donghyuck so desperately needs to hear. He needs to do everything else just right, needs to perform perfectly so that Father John and God will forgive him. 

He leans down further and presses kisses to the shiny tops of Johnny’s shoes. This must have been the correct action, because Johnny lets out an approving noise. And then he’s being yanked back up by his hair, so that he’s standing again as Johnny looks down at him. 

The priest is wearing all black, slacks and a long sleeved, high collared button down. His signature gold cross necklace catches in the limited light in the confessional, and Donghyuck swallows.

“Undress,” Johnny commands, and it’s an order, so Donghyuck wastes no time complying. His hands shake as he pulls off his polo, then his slacks, kicking them off along with his oxfords. He hesitates, hands hovering near the elastic waistband of his underwear.

Johnny tsks impatiently, so Donghyuck hurriedly removes his boxers and puts his arms behind his back, standing bare and exposed in front of the priest. 

Johnny gives him a once over, the hunger in his eyes apparent as he licks his lips and reaches for the boy. Donghyuck flinches almost imperceptibly as he feels cold fingers touching him, fluttering over his face, his neck, his chest. He doesn’t move an inch as Johnny comes closer, and he can hear both of their breaths, nearly deafening inside the confessional. 

Then Johnny speaks, and it’s not what he’s expecting. “You have such a small cock, Donghyuck, I can understand why you’d think you’re fit to be fucked by men,” and Donghyuck flushes so red he worries Johnny can feel the heat on his cheeks. But he just chuckles, and then he speaks again.

“Would you prefer to make reparations first with your mouth or your ass?”

Donghuck looks startled, and Johnny runs a finger over his cheek. “You need to offer your whole body to The Lord, Donghyuck. God will expect nothing less.”

The boy gulps, and he whispers, “My mouth, first, please,” and Johnny nods curtly. Then he pushes Donghyuck onto his knees, so abruptly that Donghyuck is certain he’ll have bruises, but he supposes it will just be one more way he can try to repay God.

Johnny unbuckles his belt, pulling it off before wrapping it around Donghyuck’s neck, surprising him. He fastens it tight, tight enough that Donghyuck’s breath gets shallower but not enough that he can’t breathe. He doesn’t say anything, and he wraps the remainder of the leather around one hand as he unbuttons his pants with the other. The moment his cock is free Donghyuck’s eyes widen, because it is surely too large for him to take in either of his holes. It’s just too _big_ , and he’s scared. But he _will_ take it.

Johnny is already half hard, and Donghyuck parts his lips easily when Johnny presses his tip to his mouth. Johnny thrusts in _hard_ , burying himself in Donghyuck’s throat and pressing his face into his abdomen. He holds the boy there with the belt, and he waits until he can feel Donghyuck’s throat constricting around him before pulling partially out. Donghyuck looks up at him with tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes wide and terrified, but he doesn’t fight it. He just lets Johnny fuck his throat viciously, pulling the boy toward him with the belt when he senses even a hint of noncompliance. He relishes in the gasps and whimpers Donghyuck lets out when he gets a chance to breathe.

“I’m going to come, Donghyuck, will you be a good boy and take it for me?”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but when Johnny pulls out he closes his eyes and opens his mouth further, unlocking his jaw despite how bad it hurts after being abused for so long. Johnny murmurs “What a good boy, knows his place,” and he pumps his cock once more before spilling all over Donghyuck’s face. 

He doesn’t waste time before tugging on Donghyuck’s hair again, and the boy hastily scrambles to his feet. He blinks up at Johnny, so innocently despite his face being covered in cum, and Johnny lets out a low growl before he manhandles Donghyuck so that he’s bent over the chair he was just sitting in. 

Donghyuck whines at the feeling of his ass sticking out and exposing him more than he wants. “You wanted this,” Johnny reminds him, and Donghyuck mumbles back, “Yes, Father.”

The priest spits on his fingers before pushing two inside of Donghyuck at once, making him writhe. The stretch is abrupt and painful, even though Donghyuck has been filled up once before. But he’s not used to it, and the violence of the way Johnny stretches him open makes him convulse a little. Johnny pumps his fingers in and out rapidly, scissoring him occasionally. He adds another finger and tugs on the belt around Donghyuck’s neck to make him stay still.

It hurts, but Donghyuck knows he deserves every bit of suffering he will endure at the hands of Johnny. God would never punish him unjustly. He reminds himself that he put himself here, in this position. If he had only been as obedient as he is now, if he had only done what was expected of him. If only he hadn’t turned from God in a moment of desperation, giving into his unfit desires. 

Johnny seems to be satisfied with his stretching of Donghyuck’s hole, and he scissors his fingers once more before removing them and lining up to the boy’s hole. He pumps his cock before he pushes inside Donghyuck slowly, the slide tight but not too rough because it’s still slick with Donghyuck’s saliva. Donghyuck can feel himself being split open and he whines, a tear sliding down his cheek as Johnny buries himself deep inside him.

They don’t move for a moment, Johnny groaning and letting Donghyuck adjust to his size only because he needs to as well— Donghyuck is tight like a virgin and it’s suffocating. He pulls his hips back tentatively before thrusting back in, hand wrapped around the belt the all the while, forbidding Donghyuck from letting his head drop. 

Donghyuck tries his best to stifle his whimpers as Johnny pounds into him. He’s not gentle, and he fucks into Donghyuck so hard that he worries people outside can hear the way their skin slaps together. The sounds inside the confessional are lewd and loud, but he doesn’t care. He can do whatever he wants. This is _his_ church. Donghyuck is _his_ property.

“Tell me your commandments,” Johnny orders, pulling harshly on the belt to force Donghyuck’s head up again, making him a bit dizzy momentarily.

Donghyuck mewls quietly.

“I am the Lord thy God,” he chokes out.

“Who is?” Johnny demands, and Donghyuck’s head is so hazy he can’t think straight.

“You,” he cries out, whining as Johnny fucks into him harder.

“Who’s your God?”

“You, Father,” Donghyuck sobs, desperate and ruined. “You’re my God, Father.” 

“Good,” Johnny muses, his grip on the belt loosening slightly, and Donghyuck inhales deeply when he realizes he can again. “Continue.”

“Thou shall have no other gods before me.”

“Thou shall not make unto thee any graven images.”

“Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

Donghyuck recites them all, all ten one after another in perfect order. He doesn’t mess up once, even as Johnny speeds up his thrusts and pulls on the belt tighter. 

When he recites the last one, Johnny comes inside of him, and Donghyuck has never felt so dirty, so disparaged.

And yet, as he feels Johnny’s cock soften inside him, cum dripping out of his hole, he feels so _right._ _This_ is how he’s meant to be serving God, he’s sure of it. On his knees, obedient and subdued. 

“Father John,” he says softly as the priest removes the belt from around his neck, “I think I’ve found my calling.”


	2. for i have sinned

Donghyuck is spread out on the altar like a whore, like a sacrifice, for his God. This is no case of Abraham and Isaac, however, in his case he _is_ a sacrifice. But not his life, no, that would be too easy. His body, laid out and presented like a gift for Father John. His All Powerful, his Divine Being, his only reason for being. He lays in silence, waiting. He’s naked, stripped of his dignity as an animal is when they, too, are offered up. His small cock is already hard, red and leaking as he fidgets on the smooth marble tabletop and waits for Johnny.

He’s been doing this for months now, every Sunday like clockwork. He’s been reduced down to just a body, offered up frequently and regularly as he tries to atone for his sins. His sinning, which will never stop as long as he’s alive, as long as his heart still beats. His heart got him into this mess, and he has to pay the price.

“Leviticus 18:22; Thou shall not lay with mankind, as with womankind,” Donghyuck whispers to himself, twisting his fingers together. Guilt curls in his stomach; a tear rolls down his cheek. “Man shall not lay with man…”

He startles as he hears the doors to the nave open, and he turns toward the sounds of footsteps approaching. He wants so desperately to sit up and welcome Johnny but he knows he can’t. Not if he wants Johnny to see how much he respects him. Johnny wants him to be a good little offering, who does only what he is told to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

Johnny comes into his vision, leaning over him, eyes dark and hair unkempt. He looks purely delicious, and Donghyuck can feel his mouth start to water despite himself. Donghyuck stays still, not moving or speaking until he’s told to. Johnny is wearing his usual all black attire, except his slacks are undone and sitting low on his hips. Donghyuck feels his mouth start to water.

Johnny brushes a hand over his face, brushing his bangs back before removing it, leaving Donghyuck yearning for just one more touch. He gets it, when Johnny spreads his legs wide, large hands gripping his thighs before promptly shoving his cock inside him. 

Donghyuck arches his back, letting out a broken whine as he feels Johnny’s thankfully slicked up cock inside him. The first few times, Johnny tried fucking him dry, but the pain made Donghyuck too loud, too disturbing to be pleasurable for Johnny. He should be used to this, he’s been offering his body up to Johnny, his God, for months. Johnny forbids him to prep, and he’s never felt the priest’s fingers inside him since the first time he offered himself up to him, what seems like lifetimes ago in the confessional. He gets fucked open regularly, but still, he never can quite adjust to the feeling of being split open so abruptly. 

“Something wrong, darling?”

Donghyuck whimpers. “No, Father,” he replies dutifully, and Johnny hums. With every thrust, Donghyuck can see Johnny’s golden cross necklace bounce off of his chest, dangling over his face, captivating him.

Johnny lets out a quiet groan as he thrusts harshly into Donghyuck, who moans loudly and tries to push himself down on Johnny’s cock in response. Johnny chuckles and raises a hand to Donghyuck’s mouth, the latter eagerly taking three of elder’s fingers into his mouth and sucking on them desperately. Johnny only tsks, shaking his head as he looks down at the mess of Donghyuck below him. 

“Say your prayer,” Johnny orders, removing his fingers.

Donghyuck starts off immediately.

“Dear Lord, 

I offer you my body,

For the conversion of sinners,”

Johnny raises a hand to Donghyuck’s throat, squeezing gently, making it harder for him to continue speaking.

“For the forgiveness of sins,

In reparation for sins and,

For the salvation of souls.”

Johnny presses down harder, and Donghyuck struggles to both breathe and finish the prayer.

“Amen.”

“Good.” 

Johnny fucks into him faster, pressing down hard, too hard, on Donghyuck’s neck, making his breathing shallow and light. He watches with fascination as Donghyuck’s face turns from red to white to blue, and as Donghyuck’s eyes start to roll back in his head he lets go. Donghyuck lets out a gasp, eyes wide as he takes in as much oxygen as he can, thankful to be able to breathe again.

Johnny pulls out of him, surprising Donghyuck, but his eyes light up in understanding as he watches the priest take a seat in his chair in the middle of the pulpit, watching Donghyuck with dark eyes. Johnny beckons him, and he goes, climbing carefully off of the altar and padding toward Johnny.

Donghyuck straddles Johnny the best he can, it’s a bit difficult on account of the armrests, but Johnny holds his small waist, steadying him. Donghyuck positions himself hovering over the priest’s cock, waiting for his permission to sink down on it.

Johnny takes Donghyuck’s chin in his hand, lifting it so they’re eye to eye and Donghyuck trembles. It’s not often he’s allowed to make eye contact with Johnny. He’s been taught to gaze upon him at all times but direct eye contact is reserved for only the most sacred of moments. 

“Tell me, who is your God?” Johnny asks this every time they meet, and the answer rolls off of Donghyuck’s tongue almost without thinking. 

“You are, my Lord.” Johnny awards him a faint smile.

“And are you dedicated? Are you a devoted follower of my word?”

“ _Yes_ , my Lord.”

“Prove it,” Johnny orders, and he hikes his hips up, slamming his cock into the boy on his lap. Donghyuck lets out a loud cry, which echoes throughout the white walls of the church.

“Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,” Donghyuck pants, trying his best not to falter as Johnny fucks into him. 

“Thy kingdom come, ah, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

“Give us this day our daily bread,” Donghyuck recites, and Johnny smirks, pushing a thumb into his mouth, shoving it between his teeth and his cheek and forcing Donghyuck’s mouth open. The boy struggles to talk around it, but he continues.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Johnny uses his other hand to adjust Donghyuck on his lap, angling his thrusts so that he hits Donghyuck’s sweet spot, making it even harder for him to speak. 

“Lead us not into temptation, ah, ah! But deliver us from evil,” his words are each broken up by a harsh thrust from Johnny, “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory.”

Johnny comes inside him.

“For ever and ever.”

Johnny fucks his cum into him once more.

“Amen.” 

Donghyuck has started rutting against Johnny, rubbing his small cock desperately against Johnny’s toned abdomen without even realizing it, he’s so desperate to come.

“Johnny— please, my Lord, my God, _please_ ,” he begs, broken and exhausted and so delirious he forgets his place. 

“You’ve served as a sacrifice already, Donghyuck. There’s no need for us to continue,” Johnny says cruelly, and Donghyuck lets out a sob. The priest holds his hips tight, preventing the boy from moving in his lap the way he so badly wants to. He feels the crushing weight of his guilt in the back of his mind, but he’s overcome with desire right now. 

Donghyuck always feels guilty, every time Johnny fucks him, no matter how many times the priest tells him this is taking _away_ his sins. But it feels too good, he enjoys it more than he knows he should. He craves it, he wants Johnny’s cock in him at all times, filling him up while he recites his prayers. He wants Johnny to fuck him seven days a week, destroying him in the way that makes him thirst for more. 

“Father—”

“Lust is a sin, Donghyuck,” is all he hears in response, and Donghyuck cries out. 

“Do you really think,” Johnny asks, looking Donghyuck in the eye, “You deserve anything? Do you really think you deserve any sort of release? I can’t fix you, Donghyuck, and when you act like this it’s like you don’t _want_ to be forgiven. So full of lust and greed and temptation, all the things I’ve taught you not to harbor.”

Donghyuck nods almost imperceptibly, eyes trained down and lip quivering as he tries not to cry. 

“Get on your knees.”

Donghyuck scrambles down from the chair, kneeling obediently as Johnny stands up himself and approaches him. He slaps Donghyuck on the face with his soft cock, and it smears a filthy smudge of cum onto his face.

“Do you want my cock?”

“Yes, Father,” Donghyuck murmurs, and Johnny slaps him across the face so hard he sees stars.

“Wrong answer. Did I not just tell you that lust is a sin?” Johnny demands, and Donghyuck cries out “I’m sorry, Lord, I’m sorry!”

“You need to make up for that, too,” Johnny says, and he pulls Donghyuck closer by his hair.

Johnny sticks his thumb in Donghyuck’s mouth once more, forcing it open before shoving his cock inside it. Donghyuck gags, and Johnny orders “Don’t move.” He spits on Donghyuck, who doesn’t even flinch, he knows he deserves it. And then he begins to fuck Donghyuck’s mouth.

Donghyuck, forever obedient, doesn’t move a muscle as Johnny fucks his cock in and out of Donghyuck’s wet mouth. It’s too rough and causes tears to roll down Donghyuck’s cheeks, but he knows he deserves it. Having Johnny’s cock is a heavenly experience, and he lets Johnny use his mouth as his own cock gets harder and harder. He doesn’t even realize that he’s coming until it’s too late, and he spills all over the floor.

Johnny stops. Both of them stare at the ground, at the wet mark made by Donghyuck’s cum. Johnny removes his cock from his mouth, all he says is “You know what to do,” because he does.

Donghyuck lowers himself to the floor, and, because he knows he has to, starts to lick his cum off the floor. Johnny strokes his own cock at the sight of small, obedient Donghyuck cleaning up his own shameful mess. When Donghyuck has taken care of it all, licked all of his cum off the marble floor, Johnny puts one foot on the back of his head, shoving his face into the floor.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry, my Lord, for dirtying your walking ground. I don’t deserve to stand on the same dirt as you and I am eternally regretful for soiling it.”

Johnny removes his foot, but Donghyuck stays there, bent over and unmoving.

“You may rise,” Johnny says, and Donghyuck does, slowly, getting back onto his knees. He blinks up at Johnny, who is still pumping his cock, and when Johnny tells him he’s nearly done he takes it in his mouth once more. Johnny coming down his throat is a rarity and a blessing, and he can’t hide the small smile that plays on his lips after he swallows it all.

Johnny is looking at him expectantly; he knows the drill. 

“We give thee thanks, Almighty God, for all thy benefits, who lives and reigns for ever and ever.” He clears his throat. 

“Psalm 7:17,” Johnny demands.

"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."

“Good,” Johnny says quietly, and he presses his fingers first to Donghyuck’s forehead, then to the middle of his chest, then to his right and left shoulder. Donghyuck makes another weary smile at feeling Johnny make the sign of the cross over him, and he whispers “Thank you, God,” once more.

“You’ve done well,” Johnny says. “I’ll look forward to our next meeting.

He leaves Donghyuck kneeling on the pulpit, used, dirtied, and alone, to reflect on his sins.


End file.
